Mischief Managed, Marauders
by keep my issues drawn
Summary: The Marauders start O.W.L year at Hogwarts, and if the train ride is anything to judge by, it will be a riot! James is smitten with Lily, Remus is feeling down, Sirius is causing havoc and Peter is... being Peter. How the hell are they going to survive?
1. The one with the trolley

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything associated with it. I'm writing this just because I love the Marauders to pieces. I own only the plot.**

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><p><strong>Authors Note: There comes a time in every Harry Potter fanfiction authors life when you have to write a Marauders era fanfiction, and that time has come for me, I hope you enjoy! Just as a warning, this fic will contain strong language, like in the first line for example ;)<strong>

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><p>"SIRIUS! GET ON THE FUCKING TRAIN!" James screamed wildly at a boy with tangled brown hair.<p>

Sirius strolled casually towards the Hogwarts express, with the engine ready to go, steam pouring out, and the whistle blown.

"Jeez, Chill James!" He muttered and jumped onto the train, causing girls to squeal in delight as he only just got on the train in time.

"You could have missed the train!" Peter said worriedly.

"Guys, I didn't though, did I?" Sirius grinned, "I'm here!"

"Honestly, you're so full of yourself!" James muttered.

He turned to Remus to back him up, he was usually on his side when it was about Sirius being full of himself and being stupid, but he saw he was buried in the Daily Prophet.

"Moony, get out of the Prophet!" James exclaimed.

The boy looked at James over the top of his newspaper, and laughed before he retreated back into its pages. Remus noticed that it would annoy James to no end, and he was engrossed in his paper, and worried about things that were coming. He didn't want to spoil the atmosphere on the train ride to their fifth year at Hogwarts, so he decided not to say anything.

"Moony?" James pleaded, "Back me up here?"

Remus held back a snort and raised the paper higher over his face, completely hiding his face from view, and whistled a muggle tune to himself. James spread a pitiful look across his face, triggering laughter from Sirius.

"Jeez, Prongs, I wasn't going to die or anything!" He whined.

"You could have missed the train!" James exclaimed, again.

James Potter knew that it wasn't the best of arguments to have, but that was how the Marauders existed. They fought over meaningless things, pranked until they physically couldn't anymore and had a laugh. Their arguments were a great source of entertainment school-wide, although it wasn't advised to get in the middle of one.

"Fine, Moony, don't back me up then!" James sighed, "You have knobbly knees anyway!"

Peter burst out laughing at the pitiful insult James had employed, knowing that although it was pitiful, Remus' knees were a very touchy subject for him, Peter backed into the corner of the train compartment and waited for the outburst. Remus lowered his paper and looked at James with such an angry force that James was tempted to run away.

"What did you say?" He asked, a mad twinkle in his eyes, a twinkle that usually meant he had a plan.

James gulped, "I was merely stating that you have knobbly knees, but I'm sure that it doesn't take away any of your mighty Gryffindor courage!"

"Say that to my knees." Remus stared at James.

James knelt down and looked at Remus' knees, and turned in the direction of Sirius and Peter sniggering in the corner, and Lily Evans standing outside the carriage with a surprised look on her face. _Shit_, James thought, but he had to go through with this.

"Knees of Remus John Lupin, you are knobbly." He proclaimed.

James fell backwards with a bang as Remus stood up and kneed him in the face, and he grasped at his nose. He noticed Lily laughing at him, and walking away with Snivellus by her side, he heard the roars of laughter from the three marauders, and felt his nose hurting.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" He yelled, outraged.

He wasn't answered for several minutes, as none of the other marauders could breathe from laughing. Sirius and Remus high fived but then bent double with laughter again. James checked his nose for signs of bleeding, and noted it was fine, and in the end he was forced to laugh with them.

"That.. was… not… funny!" James choked through laughter.

"Admit it, you're nearly wetting yourself with laughter right now Prongs!" Sirius sniggered.

Just at that moment, the trolley lady walked past with her trolley full of sweets.

"Anything from the trolley dears?" She asked.

Her only response was another surge of laughter as the four marauders fell about on the floor, for reasons even they didn't understand. She sighed, after four years, and at least eight train journeys, she was used to their antics.

She looked at them and decided that it was a no, and chuckled to herself as she watched Sirius and James try to untangle their legs.

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><p>"I'M HUNGRY!" Sirius shouted, as five hours later, they had no food and had completely exhausted themselves from laughing and planning practical jokes.<p>

"Yeah, what happened to the trolley lady? Its four o'clock!" Peter whined.

"I think I might collapse from hunger if I have to wait any longer." Remus moaned.

"Mate, I'm already dead from hunger." James exclaimed.

The trolley lady walked past their door and took pity on them, she slipped back to get her trolley and walked through.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" She asked.

"ABOUT TIME!" All four marauders shouted.

They all jumped towards the trolley, and that seemed to be the trouble. The trolley wasn't built for four fifteen year olds to jump on it, and the fact that it had wheels didn't really help. They soared down the corridor, crushing the remaining cauldron cakes, chocolate frogs and Bertie Botts every flavour beans. After sailing past two compartments, Peter fell off the back, having been the last to jump on. Two compartments on, Remus fell off, deciding that he would rather fall than listen to Sirius scream as he grasped onto his hair. About four compartments from the end of the train, Sirius fell off and James screamed as he realised he was alone. He smashed into the end near the drivers compartment, and fell off, dazed from the impact. He looked up to see Lily Evans looking down at him standing next to her friend Alice. She held out a hand to help him up. He took it, thinking that she really cared. She then looked him straight in the eyes.

"You really are immature, aren't you Potter? That is why I will _never _go out with you." She proclaimed, wiping her hand on her robes and re-entering her train compartment, giggling with her friend Alice.

James shook his head as his vision began to swim, and everything went blurry, and he realised his glasses had broken. He swiftly repaired them, and began re-pack the trolley, knowing he would get into severe trouble for it, along with the other marauders, and began the journey back up the train, that was a lot longer now he wasn't flying along on the top of the trolley. He couldn't help thinking though, that it was the most fun he'd had since last year, and if the year was anything as fun as that trolley ride, then he was in the for the best year of his life.

He met Sirius first, and helped him up, as Sirius was still lying dazed on the ground. They walked up together, meeting Remus and then Pettigrew, all of them nursing sore heads and crushed pride. They tried to look carefree, but it was pretty hard when all of them just wanted to go to sleep to ease their aching heads. There were sniggers and giggles as they walked past train compartments, and they reached the end of the train, the trolley lady standing by their compartment, looking disapproving.

"Sorry wont cut it, will it?" Remus asked sheepishly.

The lady shook her head and walked down the train to talk to the driver, leaving the four marauders completely bemused.

"Sometimes I wonder if she can say anything other than 'Anything from the trolley dears'" Sirius mused, "Must be a strange curse to be under."

James looked at Sirius with a strange twinkle in his eye, and began to laugh. Sirius had given him one hell of a good idea.

"No, James, No!" Sirius pleaded, "Please, please, don't!"

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><p>"Anything from the trolley, dears?" Sirius asked sullenly.<p>

The other three cracked up laughing and Sirius glared at them. He wished he hadn't made a joke about the trolley lady, it was killing him to be only able to say five words, the same five words over and over again.

"I must say it makes a nice change." Remus commented, "Although it might be better if you just completely take away his speech."

"ANYTHING FROM THE TROLLEY, DEARS?" Sirius roared in outrage.

"I'm inclined to agree with you there, Moony." James sniggered, and drew his wand.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" Sirius pleaded, "Anything from the trolley dears?"

James deliberated for a bit, before returning his wand to his pocket, and shoving a squashed chocolate frog into his mouth. They had taken the food off the trolley, knowing nobody would buy the squashed, food, and they had been starving.

"Do you think we're almost there?" Peter asked, "Should we change into our robes?"

"Anything from the trolley dears?" Sirius nodded.

"Oh Padfoot, you're really learning how to communicate through five words, maybe we should keep him this way?" James sighed.

"At least for the rest of tonight, it could be entertaining." Remus nodded.

The four marauders went to change into their robes, noting several pointing fingers as they walked past. They certainly had made an impression soaring down the corridor on top of the trolley, screaming as they flew.

"You scream like a girl, Potter." A sixth year Ravenclaw snorted.

"At least I have fun! Read any books recently?" James taunted and flounced off.

"What a bitch!" Remus commented.

"Anything from the trolley dears?" Sirius nodded in agreement.

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><p>"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouted and McGongall rolled up her parchment and moved back to the teachers table. Dumbledore stood up and addressed the whole school.<p>

"Before we start, I would like to say a few words."

The four marauders looked at each other and whispered, "Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak."

Unfortunately, Sirius was still under the curse, so he broke the silence with, "Anything from the trolley dears?"

Dumbledore laughed, and addressed Sirius directly, "I wouldn't get on the wrong side of Mr Potters wand if I were you Mr Black. Anyway, yes, a few words, Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak."

The food suddenly appeared on the tables and the whole school tucked into their food. James glanced down the table at Lily, and noticed her chatting with her friends and looking over to Sniv- Severus at the Slytherin table. He heard many people imitating his screams as he swooped down the train on the trolley, and he couldn't help thinking what a great start to the year it had been. After the feast, and the announcements, they trudged up to the common room, Remus and Lily lead the first years up, with James sending hopeful looks towards Lily, which were all sent back with a glare. When they all got back up to the dormitory that they shared they got ready for bed and settled down.

"Exploding snap, anyone?" James asked.

"Anything off the trolley dears?" Sirius exclaimed, and began to shuffle.

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><p><strong>Authors Note: Hope you enjoyed, I especially enjoy writing James and Sirius, I hope I haven't made Peter too stupid, I just kind of hate him for what he did to the Potters. Tell me what you think please. Also, any ideas for pranks the marauders could play on people would be much appreciated. I'm not sure when I'll next update, it depends on how many people read. :)<strong>


	2. The one with the dye

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or anything associated with it. I'm writing this just because I love the Marauders to pieces. I own only the plot.**

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><p>"But, Professor!" Sirius whined.<p>

"I've made up my mind!" McGongall snapped, "And you're lucky it isn't more!"

"We didn't mean to go flying down the train." James put in.

McGongall looked at the Marauders sternly, "To be frank, you're lucky I'm not taking house points away, as term hadn't started."

The boys sighed and gazed out the window. It was a beautiful autumn day, with people making the most of the sunshine, because they knew the weather wouldn't last.

"Detention, tonight." McGongall said in her curt voice, "I shall notify you of where and when."

James and Sirius looked at each other, with a twinkle in their eye, and Remus sighed.

"Separate detentions." McGongall confirmed, "Otherwise it's more like a reward. Run along."

The Marauders headed out of McGongalls office and sighed. They made their way outside, noticing the admiring looks as they walked past. They weren't popular for nothing, and Sirius was sought after by almost every girl. Sirius took girls for granted, and was known as a heartbreaker, but the girls just wanted him even more. Each one was convinced that they would be the one he would change for, but that was never true.

"Wonder what Minnie has in store for us?" Sirius wondered.

Peter shuddered, "I hope its nothing to do with bedpans in the hospital wing."

"Or Potions ingredients preparation." James winced, remembering accidents in his previous detentions.

"Or anything to do with cleaning and Filch." Remus offered a worse idea, which the marauders all hated.

"Its going to be _torture_!" Sirius groaned. "Its not as if we meant to go flying down the train!"

"She thinks we haven't been punished enough already!" James exclaimed, "If she knew how much my head hurt after that."

"Not to talk about your wounded pride, Prongs." Remus laughed.

The four marauders walked down to the lake to visit the Giant Squid, they'd always liked seeing him, and it made them laugh. They found that when they were down at the lake, they got the best ideas for pranks, and they were in the mood for a prank. They needed to pull back their status after the flying trolley, and show people that they could make other people look stupid too. They almost felt sorry for anyone who got on the wrong side of them, and McGongall had got on the wrong side of them for splitting them up for detention.

Sirius was struck with a sudden idea, "Guys, do any of you know the password to the teachers bathroom?"

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><p>"Sirius, are you sure about this?" Peter whispered, "What if we get caught?"<p>

James raised his eyebrows, "Or even worse, what if there's a teacher in there?"

"God, that's a sight I really don't want to see!" Remus exclaimed.

"Come on, guys!" Sirius said, "Its just a bit of fun, Moony, have you got the dye?"

"Check." Remus replied.

The four boys crept down the corridor towards the teachers bathroom, not many people knew of its existence, or the password, but once they had told Peeves exactly what they planned, he had told them what he knew. They weren't entirely sure they could trust him, but as a fellow prankster, they felt that they had to.

"I really hope the password Peeves heard is the same as it is now." Peter whimpered.

They arrived in front of a plain wall, but they knew it was really a door. Sirius drew his wand and uttered a spell.

"Lumos." The wall lit up, and he saw some Ancient Runes engraved.

"Any idea what those mean, Moony?" He asked.

Remus bent double with laughter as he translated them, but the other marauders looked at him strangely. Lupin was the only one to take Ancient Runes, so he was the only one who understood what it meant.

"Moony?" Peter asked.

"It says, 'And Now Be Clean'" Moony sniggered.

The marauders cracked up laughing before James realised something.

"Hang on a sec!" He exclaimed, "Its not even funny!"

The marauders realised that James was right, and stopped laughing. However, they started laughing again.

"What now?" James asked.

"Just imagining the teachers reading that!" Sirius exclaimed. "Anyway, Draconis"

The door swung open, and the four marauders entered the teachers bathroom. Luckily for them, it was empty. Even Remus, who had access to the prefects bathroom, was awed by its size and grandeur. The bath that had been so big for the Prefects seemed like a paddling pool compared to the enormous bath in the teachers bathroom, in fact, it was more like an Olympic Swimming pool made bigger by about one hundred. There were even more taps than in the Prefects bathroom, and the towels were softer and fluffier than the four boys had ever set eyes on before. They began to whoop, they couldn't believe how big the place was, and they sniggered as they noticed a rubber duck. James examined the bottom of it, and broke out into nervous laughter.

"It says F. F on the bottom." He laughed, "It must mean Flitwick!"

"Anyway, my boys, to work!" Sirius exclaimed.

It was lucky that they had a lot of food dye, and that Remus knew spells complex enough to mess with the way the bath worked. They brought out the bottle of green dye, and managed to put a bit into every tap.

"And because of the colours of the bubbles, and the lack of mirrors in here, she wont notice until its too late!" Sirius laughed at the ingenious plan.

He stopped Peter as he tried to swipe the duck, as Sirius pointed out, they didn't want anyone to suspect they had been in there, of course, they would get blamed in the end. They were the ones who pranked like mad, although other people played jokes, none of them were to the scale of the Marauders jokes. As they exited, they laughed amongst themselves, hiding under James' cloak so that they were not spotted.

"And what's even better," Remus remarked, "Is that it wont turn anyone green apart from McGongal!"

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><p>James stared dreamily into space. No, not space, into Lily's green eyes. There was something about them that he loved so much, not just the fact that they were green, no, the fact that they looked like a whole other world, like swirling pools, like…<p>

"EARTH TO JAMES!" Sirius shouted.

When he still got no answer, Sirius hit him over the head with his copy of A Standard Book of Spells Grade five, causing James to leap up in the air and screech loudly, whilst several other Gryffindors sitting in the common room looked on in amusement.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?" He shouted, rubbing his sore head.

Sirius laughed, "Well, I know I'm handsome and all, but I wouldn't go that far. You know, I'm more into the ladies!" He winked at a girl sitting next to Lily, and she sent him a death glare.

"Hey, who's that?" He whispered to Remus on the other side of him.

"That's Alice, Lily's friend, the one who rejected Peter last year, remember?" Remus whispered.

"Na, don't remember her." Sirius yawned.

"Anyway, she's in love with Frank Longbottom, mate, its not going to happen."

"As if I'd want it to!" Sirius exclaimed, "She looks like a bitch anyway."

Remus smiled, "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

James let out another groan as Sirius whacked him over the head again.

"What is it with you lot and hurting me?" James whined, "First Remus knees me in the face, then you hit me over the head with a textbook, _twice_, I'm staying away from Peter!"

Peter looked up, "What? Did I miss something?"

The others laughed, "You always miss something Pete." Sirius replied.

Pete tackled Sirius to the ground, and the other two marauders jumped on top, play fighting with each other. There was nothing that could get in between the friends, nothing.

Lily and Alice looked at each other and sighed.

"Honestly, boys!" Lily exclaimed.

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><p>Minevra McGongall had never been one for jokes. Especially when they were being played on her. She was used to the marauders and their prankster ways, but she had never got in the way of their jokes before. As she walked down the corridor, she noticed people pointing and laughing and she had no idea why. The Marauders walked down the corridor, and noticed McGongall and her green skin, and sniggered amongst themselves.<p>

"DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!" Sirius sang at the top of his voice.

"Which old witch?" James joined in.

"The wicked witch! Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch is dead!" They all sang together, causing McGongall to look at them with concern.

"What on earth are you up to boys?" She asked.

They laughed, as she did look like an exact replica of the Wicked Witch.

"Just singing." Remus said innocently.

McGongall raised her hand to her cheek, and in a flash, noticed there was something wrong. She saw her green hand, and raised her hands to her face. She realised she was completely green. The marauders looked worried, knowing that she had realised, and that she would _know _it was them.

"Boys, to Dumbledores office now!" She barked, and swished on her heel in the direction of the teachers bathroom.

The four Marauders linked arms and skipped all the way to the Headmasters office, singing all the way.

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!"

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><p><strong>Credit goes to: Thanks to pineapple girl 1997 for the idea of bringing in the Wizard of Oz. I just love that movie. Thanks in advance to her as well for helping me with an OC who hopefully appears in the next chapter.<strong>

**Authors Note: I've now brought in chapter names, as you can see this chapter is named **_The one with the dye, _**I know I didn't do that when I first published. The first chapter is now named **_The one with the trolley_**. I hope you enjoyed let me know, and as always, if you have any practical joke ideas, I'd love to hear them, and credit will go to you of course. Thank you to all my nine reviewers, I never expected to get that many reviewers for the first chapter. Thanks again.**


	3. The one with the evil cat

**Disclaimer: Gryffindors are red, Ravenclaws are blue. Who owns HP? Not me, not you! Hufflepuffs are yelow, Slytherins are green? Who owns HP? JKR our Queen! (Oh, the mind of an insommniac!) I should also mention that I got the chapter title idea from episode titles of the american sitcom FRIENDS.**

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><p>"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Sirius screamed, running from the dormitory half dressed into the common room. The first years looked worried, whilst everyone else burst out laughing.<p>

Alice sighed, "What now, Sirius?"

"THERE'S A FUC- I MEAN THERE'S AN EVIL CAT IN THERE, AND ITS GOING TO KILL ME!"

Lily looked at him, confused, "Uh, what?"

"I swear if I go back in there, I'm actually going to die! It's going to kill me!" Sirius exclaimed.

Lily looked at him and laughed.

"I COULD'VE DIED AND YOU'RE LAUGHING!" He shouted, "Oh the joys of this world!"

The whole common room was staring at him, "OY!" He shouted, "Don't you lot have places to go, things to see, lessons to learn?" They all stared at him in silence, "Don't get the message? SCRAM!"

Lily looked at Sirius disapprovingly, "That wasn't necessary."

James ran down the stairs, also half dressed, "OH MY FUCKING GOD! THAT CAT IS GOING TO KILL ME!"

Sirius ran over to him, "I know, its pure evil!"

Lily rolled her eyes, "Please put a shirt on, uh, _both of you!_"

Remus strolled casually down the stairs, fully dressed, "Guys, it's a cat! And a cute one at that! It's probably lost its owner!"

"IT WAS GOING TO KILL US!" Sirius and James screamed in unison.

They all stopped as a girlish scream ripped through the air. They all looked around.

"PETER!" James exclaimed, "HE'S UP THERE WITH THE EVIL CAT!"

Lily ran up the stairs to find Peter and get him out. She was greeted with a strange- if slightly disturbing sight. Peter was standing there in just his trousers, looking in terror at the bed in front of him, which Lily noticed to be Sirius' bed, judging from the muggle pictures of motorcycles tacked up around it. Her eyes traveled up to the bed, expecting to see something horrible. All she saw was a white cat with one ear. It meowed. Peter screamed one last time, and fled from the bedroom. Lily picked it up and carried it downstairs.

"PUT THE CAT DOWN!" James shouted, "It could kill you!"

"NO!" Sirius exclaimed, "Don't put it down, it'll kill us! We're going to die!"

Lily looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

James looked at Sirius worriedly, "I'm no expert in girls moods, but I'm pretty sure that was more of a 'You absolute idiot' eyebrow raise, than a 'I want you right here right now' eyebrow raise."

"Agreed." Sirius moaned, "It could also be a 'I'm going to kill you' eyebrow raise."

"You never know with girls." James sighed.

Lily raised her wand, pointing it at the two boys, they were really starting to annoy her.

"Ideas?" James asked Sirius frantically.

"SCRAM!" Sirius shouted, and the two of them fled to their dormitory, Lily hot on their heels.

Peter looked worriedly at Remus, "Should we help?" He asked.

"No." Remus replied, "Leave them to it. Lily's been waiting for this a long time."

"We've only been back at Hogwarts two days though." Peter reminded him.

"I know." He replied, hearing the screams that were so high pitched it seemed impossible they belonged to two of his best friends.

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><p>The charms classroom was absolute chaos. At least, that was one word to describe it. Other words used could include 'riot', 'disaster' and 'flames'. Yes, flames. Lily hadn't quite exhausted her need to hex a marauder- any marauder- into oblivion, and seeing as they were really getting on her last nerve, she decided to strike in Charms. The Ravenclaws stood at the side of the room, shooting nervous looks to their head of house, Professor Flitwick, trying to get him to stop them. He was trying, you couldn't blame the man. He was only short, and a squeaky voice really didn't help when trying to control the class.<p>

"I'M GOING TO HEX YOU SO BAD THAT YOU WONT HAVE ANY EYEBROWS TO MAKE ANY SORT OF FACIAL EXPRESSION WITH! 'I'M GOING TO KILL YOU', 'YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT' OR OTHERWISE!" Lily roared at James and Sirius, they quaked in their boots.

Peter squeaked something that sounded suspiciously like, "Pleasedon'thurtme!"

Lily turned on Remus, and the look of terror in his eyes reflected back in hers.

"Listen, Lily, you don't have to do this!" He pleaded, "Prefects together, remember? Who will patrol with you? Who will help you with Gryffindor prefect-y stuff?"

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Prefect-y stuff?"

"Questionable eyebrow." James muttered to Sirius, "Almost definitely means, 'Are you retarded?'"

"I would have to agree with you there Prongs." Sirius replied.

"What, you are retarted?" James asked.

"No!" Sirius exclaimed, "I meant…." He paused as a flame went swooping past his head, "Oh never mind!"

James grinned. Flitwick gained control then, by shooting several purple firecrackers out the end of his wand. One came back and hit him between the eyes, making him fall off his stack of books. Two Ravenclaw girls, one brunette, one blonde, helped him back up.

"Silence!" He squeaked, although there was no need. Everybody had completely quietened down. "Evans, Potter, Black, Lupin. You stay behind afterwards." He paused, and added as an afterthought, "Pettigrew, you too."

The Marauders looked at each other, they'd really blown it this time. James couldn't help but laugh at the fact Lily had landed herself in detention.

"Oh sweet revenge." He sighed to himself, but not quiet enough for Lily not to hear. She drew her hand under her throat, and mouthed the word 'later'.

Flitwick coughed, "I think a seating plan may be in order, as you clearly _cannot _be trusted sitting where you want." He flicked his wand, and a quill began to scribble onto a sheet of parchment.

"Shit." Sirius breathed, "Not alphabetical again. I'm never near you guys! I really hope there's a Ravenclaw between me and Lily, I really don't want to die yet."

Flitwick began showing people where he wished them to sit. Luckily, Sirius wasn't next to Lily, separated by the blonde Ravenclaw who had helped Flitwick up earlier. She kept shooting looks over to her brunette friend on the other side of the room, and trying to ignore Sirius' gaze.

"Sirius Black." He introduced himself.

She snorted, "I figured as much."

"Polite, much?" Sirius exclaimed, "Do I get to know your name?"

She made a sound that sounded distinctly like 'Humph' and turned away from him, and began chatting to Lily. Sirius wasn't an eavesdropper, he told himself. He couldn't help overhearing their conversation.

"… And I've lost my cat!" She exclaimed.

Sirius tapped her on the shoulder, she snorted again and turned around, "What?" She snapped.

"Now, now, Humph." He said.

"Humph?" She asked.

"Isn't that your name?" He asked mischievously.

She drew her wand, but was stopped by Flitwick coming over to them.

"Now, Now, Miss Carter, we've had enough hexing for today."

She put her wand away, and looked Sirius straight in the eyes, "I was sighing."

"So you were called Sighing, but now you're called Humph?" Sirius asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Shit, that's definitely the 'I'm going to kill you now' eyebrow raise, isn't it?" He looked at her, and the look in her eyes confirmed that, "… And I just made it worse."

"What did you want?" The Ravenclaw asked.

"Is your cat evil and white with one ear?" Sirius asked.

"Not evil. Yes white. Yes one ear." She replied, suddenly interested.

"You think?" He replied, "He attacked me this morning!"

"Firstly, it's a she!" She said, "Secondly, Barney wouldn't hurt a soul!"

Sirius looked confused, "I thought you said it was a she?"

She made the 'Humph' sound again, "I was little when I named her, okay?"

Sirius laughed, and lounged back on his chair. It was going to be a long lesson, but he figured it would be a pretty interesting one too.

"What's your name?" He asked again.

"Piss off." She replied. He got a twinkle in his eye again, and the girl looked at the floor, wishing she could take back the two words that would now become her name. For her too, it would be a _really _long lesson.

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><p>"I don't get it, why doesn't she just tell me her name?" Sirius moaned, "I mean, when I think about her, I just have to think of her as Carter. I know that's her second name. Or 'Piss Off' or 'Humph' or 'Ravenclaw Girl' or 'Blonde' or 'That-girl-who-I-have-to-sit-next-to-in-charms-and-hates-my-guts-for-a-reason-that-I'm-sure-even-she-doesn't-understand."<p>

"I can find out for you, if you want to know that much." James told him, "I'm pretty sure we can find her on the Marauders Map." He began rooting around in his drawers for the map.

Sirius' eyes lit up, but then he became aware that it would make him look desperate. "No, mate, I'm alright. I'll find out soon enough. For now, she's just Humph Carter. Or Piss Off Carter."

Remus smiled, "Oh, young love!"

Sirius rose to his feet, "I DON'T LIKE HER!" He shouted.

"Ooh!" Remus taunted, "That was quick!"

Sirius raised his wand, "Do you really want to become mashed werewolf?"

Remus raised his wand, "I think I'll make it a hot dog to go." He laughed.

Sirius looked at Remus, and began to mouth an incantation, when a yowl cut him off mid-syllable. A white cat launched itself on top of his head, clawing at his head. He ran down into the Gryffindor common room, where the Ravenclaw girl was just being led up by Lily to get her cat back. She looked at Sirius in shock, and then watched it jump of his head and rub against her legs.

She held out her hand, "Its Beth." She said, "Pleased to meet you."

With that, she walked away, leaving a bemused Sirius and a trail of white cat hair and Barney exited with her. The other three Marauders came down the stairs.

Sirius looked at them all, "I swear that cat is the devil." He looked shaken up to say the least.

"Oh, Honestly Sirius!" Remus replied, "It just has problems."

"Like you then?" Sirius shot back. "OWNED." The other marauders stared at him. "Or not." He added as an afterthought.

"Practical joke time?" James asked.

"You bet." Sirius replied, his fright gone, "Ideas?"

"Two words." Peter said, "Flaming hippogriff poo."

Peter Pettigrew couldn't understand for the life of him why the other three marauders fell about on the floor laughing.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors Note: Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed so far. A special thank you again to pineapple girl 1997 who helped me with Beth Carter. Hope you like her. Its kind of weird that my English teacher will know more about Beth when he marks my book than my readers will, as I wrote the back story to her in an English lesson. It isn't neccessary for you to know yet, I don't know if it will ever be neccessary, but if it is neccessary, I'll post it on the site. <strong>

**As always, any ideas for pranks/jokes you want to be used, just suggest! Please tell me what you think. I'm going to keep that whole eyebrow thing going throughout the whole thing, so watch out! Goodbye! :)**


	4. The one with Graham

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I own only the plot and Beth Carter.**

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><p>"I've had this spot so long, I'm thinking of giving it a name for Christ's sake!" James moaned.<p>

Sirius pushed the hair out of his eyes lazily, "Oh no, don't do a Peter on us!"

Peter promptly went bright red.

"First year: Montgomery. Second year: Montgomery the second, Third Year, Montgomery the third. Fourth year, Montgomery the fourth." Sirius reminded him.

Peter sprang to his feet, "DON'T YOU DARE STEAL MONTGOMERY!"

James laughed, "Nah, I'm not that cruel. I think I'll go for Graham." He studied the spot on the end of his nose in the mirror, "How's life Graham? Wanting to bugger off anytime soon?"

Sirius sprang to his feet, "YOU CAN'T CALL IT GRAHAM!" He yelled.

"Why not?" James sighed, "Don't tell me you have a spot called Graham."

Sirius looked away, "No, It's my teddy."

Remus walked over to Sirius' bed, "Aw! Little Siwius has a lickle teddy bear!" He picked it up.

Sirius snatched it from Remus' grasp, "DON'T TAKE GRAHAM!" He looked fiercely at James, "AND DON'T CALL YOUR SPOT GRAHAM!"

Sirius stormed out of the dorm. James looked amused.

"Well, _help me_ guys! I might have to settle with Bob."

"I had that one in first year." Remus remarked.

"Um, Greg?"

"Fourth year." Remus replied, sounding bored.

"This is getting hard, Frank?"

"I had that in third year when I was pissed off with Frank Longbottom." Remus sighed.

"Why were you pissed off with him?" James asked, curious.

"Long story. Oh, and by the way, I had Ethan in second year so you can't have that either."

James glared at Remus, "Are _all _the good names taken? Fine, Barney!"

Sirius' head sprang round the door, "That's Beth's cat."

"Shit." James cursed, "Um… help here guys?"

"Spot?" Peter suggested. His suggestion was returned with James rolling his eyes. "That'll be a no then." Peter decided.

* * *

><p>The four marauders tramped down to Transfiguration, glad that Beth wasn't in that class, but slightly worried about Lily. Beth and Lily had become closer over the last week, and they were formidable. They had planted the lit hippogriff dung in Beth's bag, and although they hadn't been there when it went off, they knew it <em>had <em>gone off. Lily brushed past them.

"You're dead." She remarked, and headed off with Marlene and Alice.

Sirius sighed, "Honestly, we only set hippogriff shit on fire and put it in her bag."

Remus stared at him pointedly. Sirius shrugged, "Okay, that is pretty bad, I get your point."

They set up in Transfiguration, luckily being allowed to sit where they wanted. James and Sirius had bagged a desk at the back corner the last week, with Remus and Peter taking the one in front. They noted ravens and toads on each desk.

"BAGSY THE TOAD!" James and Sirius cried at the same time. "SHIT!" They both cried again.

They noticed a cat on the desk, and became wary. They faced the front, and watched as the cat turned into Professor McGongall.

"Wands out." She ordered in her clipped Scottish accent. "Today, we shall be practicing the Silencio charm."

She proceeded to explain exactly how to work it, with Sirius and James' eyelids drooping.

"Mr Potter!" She exclaimed, "Do you understand the incantation and wand movement?"

James' head snapped up from the desk, "Yeah." He replied. McGongall looked at him sternly, "I mean, Yes Professor."

As soon as McGongall told them it was okay to start, James turned to Sirius, "So how do we do it?"

Sirius stared back at him, and then tapped Remus on the shoulder, "Oi, Moony, how do we do it?"

Remus sighed and explained to them exactly how to do it. Sirius couldn't quite help overhearing a conversation between Lily, Marlene and Alice.

"It needs a name." Alice remarked.

"How about Graham?" Lily replied.

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Sirius yelled to the desk beside him, "YOU CAN'T STEAL THE NAME GRAHAM!"

The class held back sniggers and turned to watch the conversation.

"Um… what?" Lily asked, "I had no idea the name Graham was taken. I was just thinking it was a better name for a toad than a raven, and James clearly has the raven."

Sirius whipped around, "OI JAMES, GIVE ME BACK THE RAVEN!" He turned to Lily, "I have no idea _what _he's up to. I won rock, paper, scissors for Merlin's sake!"

"Anyway, why can't I have Graham as a name for my toad?"

Sirius turned bright red, and muttered something unintelligible.

"What?" Alice asked.

"Itsthenameofmyteddybear." Sirius said extremely quickly.

"What about Frank?" Marlene asked.

"NO!" Alice yelled, "Don't name a toad after Frank!"

"Um… Ethan?" Lily asked.

"Nope." Remus tuned into the conversation, "My spot in second year."

"Greg?" Marlene suggested.

McGongall came to break up their conversation then. It was just as well, it could have gone on for a very long time.

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><p>Sirius and James were worried to say the least to spot Lily, Beth, Professor McGongall and Professor Flitwick headed towards them in the corridor. They looked at each other nervously- they knew what this was about.<p>

"Potter, Black." Flitwick squeaked, "Come with me."

Beth and Lily sniggered all the way up to Professor McGongalls office whilst Sirius and James looked anxious. Once they were in there, McGongall closed the door and fixed the two marauders with a stare.

"You are aware of what you have done?" McGongall asked, Flitwick standing beside her.

"W-we're sorry!" Sirius stuttered.

"Two weeks in and this is your fourth detention!" Flitwick squeaked.

"Oh no!" James exclaimed, "We've been slacking, Sirius."

Sirius sighed, "Didn't we get seven two weeks in last year?"

"We can always up the detentions." McGongall said.

"Nah, its okay Professor. We have to _earn _them."

With that, Sirius and James walked out of the office, only to have their smooth exit taken away by James tripping over a cat. Namely, Professor McGongall.

* * *

><p>James groaned as he began cleaning bed pans in the hospital wing with Sirius by his side. They had been there for two hours so far, and they knew they had at least another two hours of horrible, boring, back-breaking work.<p>

"I can't believe you tripped over Minnie!" Sirius exclaimed, for the fourty-fifth time.

"You've said that fourty-five times!" James exclaimed.

Sirius sighed, "I'm so _bored_."

They looked over to the sole occupant of the hospital wing. They walked over to him, hoping for an interesting conversation.

"You bored too?" The boy asked.

"Yeah." Sirius moaned, "At least you're in a comfortable bed!"

"We're cleaning bed pans." James remarked.

"Sucks to be you." The boy said. "I've had that detention before. What'd you do?"

Sirius explained the whole situation, with James chipping in to fill in extra details. He explained how they'd planted flaming hippogriff dung in Beth's bag, and how apparently McGongall hadn't wanted them to the leave the classroom, and how James had tripped over her. The boy laughed with them as they continued to scrub bedpans.

"What's your names then?" The boy asked.

"Sirius Black." James replied, holding out his hand.

Sirius held back a snigger, "James Potter."

"I'm Graham." Graham shook James hand, "Nice to meet you Sirius. You too James."

Sirius swelled up, and James and Graham noticed his face turning red.

"Is he okay?" Graham asked.

"YOU CAN'T STEAL MY NAME!" Sirius yelled.

Graham looked confused, "James, are you alright?"

James looked at him weirdly, "I'm fine, it's Sirius you need to worry about!"

"WHY IS EVERYONE STEALING MY NAME?"

Graham started to turn grey, and James looked on in shock. He looked around for Madam Pomfrey but couldn't spot her,

"MADAM POMFREY?" He yelled, "GRAHAM LOOKS GREY!"

James managed to calm Sirius down, and stop him from yelling.

"You do know he's actually called Graham, don't you?" James asked.

Sirius managed to get out two words, "He's grey."

James sniggered, "Grey Graham. Okay, I shouldn't laugh. MADAM POMFREY?"

Madam Pomfrey came running in and went to Grahams side. She administered a few potions and whispered a few incantations over him.

"What have you been doing in here?" Madam Pomfrey turned to the boys.

"Just talking to him. I think he got a little worried or confused." Sirius remarked.

"OUT! OUT!" Madam Pomfrey shouted, "I don't know why they let detentions take place in _my _hospital wing, mark my words, I'll be having a talk with Dumbledore!"

Sirius and James fled from the hospital wing, leaving behind Madam Pomfrey and Grey Graham. They ran up to the Gryffindor tower, but on their way were hindered by something flaming, something in a sack, something smelling disgusting. The flaming hippogriff poo hit them and they screamed like girls. Beth and Lily stepped out from behind a pillar.

"Oh sweet revenge." Beth muttered.

* * *

><p>"They've got it in for us." James muttered as he inspected his damaged hair. "Its all your fault Sirius."<p>

Sirius glared at him, "Maybe Beth is my fault, Lily? I think that's entirely your fault."

"Joint responsibility?" James asked.

"Agreed." Sirius responded, and they shook on it.

Remus came up into the dormitory, "What's that smell?" He asked.

"Lets just say Beth and Lily strike back." James muttered.

Remus smiled, "Well done." He said sarcastically.

"They're pure evil!" Sirius moaned, "They're like the gruesome twosome!"

"Then what are we?" James asked, curious.

Sirius looked at James as if it was obvious, "The awesome foursome."

Peter plodded up the stairs and sank down onto his bed looking glum.

"What's the matter Peter?" Sirius asked.

"Montgomery the fifth." Peter replied, pointing to a spot on the end of his nose.

James sighed romantically, "Ah, Peter and Montgomery can never be parted for long."

* * *

><p>"Lily?" James appeared beside Lily at the Gryffindor table for dinner that night.<p>

She glared at him, "What?"

James held up his hands in mock surrender, "Don't kill me!"

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily grimaced.

"Well, we've got a Hogsmeade weekend soon so-"

"No." Lily replied.

Sirius patted James on the back, "Ah well, worth a try."

Sirius noticed Beth receive a package at the Ravenclaw table. He peered over to see what was inside it. He noticed a chocolate frog wrapper, and formulated a quick plan for revenge.

"ACCIO BETH'S CHOCOLATE FROGS!" He yelled, and they came flying across to him.

Sirius hadn't really thought about the consequences of his actions. Not how Beth would feel, that wasn't important, but how she would react. Because she did react.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" She yelled.

Sirius shook, and chucked the chocolate frogs back over to the Ravenclaw table. Beth missed, but a chubby boy sitting next to her caught them and passed them to Beth.

"Thanks Greg." She muttered, "SIRIUS ORION BLACK! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU JUST DID!"

"I was hungry…." Sirius muttered. By this time, the whole student body, plus all the teachers in the Great Hall were staring at him. Nobody had tried to break up their argument.

"THEY WERE FROM MY UNCLE GRAHAM!" Beth yelled.

Nobody can really explain what happened then. Some would say that the first thing that happened was the outburst of laughter from three of the marauders, some would say the first thing that happened was Sirius yelling at her to not steal his name. Most people would say that the thing that shocked them the most was when Beth's chocolate frogs burst into flame and hopped around the hall. When it calmed down, most of the students were laughing, although a lot of them looked very shocked. When it was all over, Sirius spoke only three words.

"GRAHAM IS MINE!"

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><p><strong>Authors Note: Hope you liked it, I know its a bit of a filler. This isn't really a selection of drabbles but it isn't quite a story. Maybe its a strabble. Ooh! I just made up a word! :) Excitedness. What do you all think of Beth? Do you like her? Sorry, no eyebrow action in this, but plenty to come. I am planning to do a halloween chapter at some point, but I want to do the full moon in september first, so the Halloween one may be a little late. What are you doing to celebrate the anniversary of Lily and James Potter's death? :'( And the doc manager fixed itself! Yay!<strong>


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